ShUOC: Informal Social at the Red Deer Pub.
We were enjoying a quiet pint in the 'local' red deer with banter about fell races, orienteering and the like when lots of very overweight fellows of Sheffield decided to enter the pub.
We carried on the general conversation, not knowing what fate lay ahead of us. Tom 'quiet' Edwards and I (Mat D) wanted another alcoholic beverage from behind the counter, so made our way to the bar to order such beverages.
Tom E had to squeeze past a somewhat HUGE man who was, lets be fair, about 8 times the size of him (even with Tom's abs!!) and the man found this offensive that someone else wanted to drink his favorite sustenance, and subsequently called Tom E a c*nt. At this point, Rhys was still jibbering on about his knackered knee... (only joking!)
Tom did not hear this but Mat 'eagle ears' Dickinson did and relayed this fact to Tom E while standing at the bar. Unfortunately, Mr XLarge's friend was also standing at the bar while Tom 'subtle as a kick in the face' Edwards ranted on about how large Mr XLarge actually was... we didn't realize this until we then sat down and started to drink our delicious drinks.
The two men, who were in with a crowd of people, including ladies, decided to point, laugh and chat in a obvious manner about 'those f*cking students' who were sitting in the corner. Tom B was sitting there in his Tapton hoody... so I've got no idea why they thought we were students!!
After about 5 minutes of staring at us in strange ways, which could have been taken as signals questioning their sexuality, they decided to pick a fight on the smallest person in the group; Mr Dickinson (5'9”, 62kg). The men chuckled to themselves and the older, less large one (with the 'Vietnam style' haircut) began to take a role in the proceedings.
Mr D asked them what they had to say to him, to which they replied, “Nothing
mate, but do you want come outside and talk about it?”, to which Mr D
declined by telling them where to go... Meanwhile, Wil, Tom B and Rhys
were talking about boobs.
The Vietnam Haircut man walked over to the door and signaled Mr D to follow
him... What a muppet!! As if I was going to walk outside with a guy who
was 3 times the size of me!! He then walked back and continued to harass
us (especially me).
Like a flash of lightening, an inspiriation struck! Tom E, the hero of the hour, was using his cognitive powers to deduce the simplest way of diffusing the situation... Using his mighty power of 'Law thought' he bravely ran to the bar staff and informed them about the harassment and 'fight starting' taking place: this was apparently the safest thing to do under the circumstances and the crazy lady with purple hair intervened with not a moment to spare. I mean, we all have no doubt that Tom E could have taken on the hoarde of beasts, but decided that he needed his strength for other things, like breathing.
The Vietnam Haircut man panicked for a moment and then strangely tried to make out to the barmaid that he was 'with us' to which she replied... yeah right dickhead... or something along those lines. Rhys also added, “Yeah, you're not my Dad!!”...
The barmaid ushered the two troublemakers out (Mr Vietnam and Mr Xlarge) by saying “You're barred” (or something) and unfortunately all of their 8 friends also had to leave... Idiots!!
After that more banter ensued and we walked to the Dev Cat. It was closed, was raining hard, we got wet and walked home, while some other Chavs started on us outside the Children's Hospital.